I had my first wedding dream yesterday morning. It had something to do with my friend Jen and I, and walking the two blocks to the church to the wedding.
Which is funny, since we’re not getting married in a church.
Regardless, the church was on the water, and I was so thankful to be near the water.
I woke up kind of giggling at myself. I’ve been stressing pretty hard about all of the “what-ifs” of our lakeside wedding. DJ and I discussed a rain plan the other day, and basically threw the whole thought of having a rain plan out of the window. Our train of thought was that rain in July in Harrison is usually very brief, and we’d wait it out.
So basically, we’re going to pretend it’s going to be gorgeous. You’re with me on this, right?
Wednesday night driving home I thought about how I’ve become *that girl* planning a wedding. Totally ignoring the realities of the situation, and pushing ahead for only the vision I have in my head. Sure, it’s tempered by some of DJ’s ideas, and some of my mom’s practical solutions, and a dash of my dad’s realities, but mostly, this wedding is really becoming all about what I wanted.
Yes DJ, I did just write that. I’m acknowledging that I’ve forced my wants for this event into what will hopefully be reality.
I’m ignoring the reality that it might rain. I’m ignoring the reality that Harrison doesn’t have enough hotel rooms for what the reality of our guest list is. I’m ignoring the reality that a year ago I wanted a simple, low key, less work, more delegation wedding, and instead creating a day of timeline that includes setting up chairs for the ceremony.
Sigh. Damn, sometimes I wish we could start over.
But that begs the question, why was I so insitient on a Harrison wedding?
Because when I close my eyes and imagine that moment of walking down the hill, across the bike path, and down an aisle lined with our favorite people in my favorite place, towards DJ to marry him, I get butterflies. I smile, and tear up a little bit. I’m so, so looking forward to the beauty of that moment.
And given the turmoil in my family’s life, through no fault of their own, I need those things now.