You might have noted the post time for yesterday's blog entry; 5:22 am Mountain Standard Time.
I'm not a morning person. I don't normally get up that early. I rarely wake up that early on purpose.
But it's the third or fourth time this fall that I've woken up sometime in the early hours of the morning and been unable to fall back asleep.
I don't know what wakes me up, but once my mind starts whirring it seems like there is no stopping it.
Anxiety about work: frustration with what seems like my inability to actually accomplish anything positive, annoyance at myself for not handling a situation properly, stress about finishing a project. Frustration with the interaction between myself and a coworker as we both try to figure out our changed roles in the office. I wonder if these are growing pains associated with maturing into my position?
Stress about finances: well, not really. This is a lame one. We're fine. We're both professionals with well-paying jobs. We have savings, paid-off cars, and a very, very simple (read: cheap) lifestyle. But. But dang I'd like to be putting more money away. I'd like to buy a new bed, new bed frame. I'd like to see something in an antique store and feel totally fine about snapping up a $700 dresser that would be perfect for us. I want to buy our next vehicle in cash. I wish we weren't still paying off the wedding and instead could afford a real honeymoon.
Annoyance about the scar tissue in my cornea. I mean, how the hell does a person develop 10 different pockets of scar tissue IN THEIR EYEBALL and not have a clue about it? Frustration that the timing probably works out so that it'll be five years before we can afford a $4,000 optional surgery. Five years of wearing contacts and glasses...
I try to calm myself down through deep breathing, envisioning being on the dock at the lake and any other relaxation technique I know. More often than not, after about 20 minutes I just get out of bed and work on something in the office. My mom mentioned once that she figured it was better to just get up and address whatever is stressing you out, rather than rolling around and keeping your bedmate awake.
I waited an hour Thursday morning. It just didn't seem right to get out of bed at 3:45 am. I rolled over. I mentally planned my 2011 garden. I listened to the dog snore and twitch on her bed at the end of ours. I tried not to wake Dusty up. All to no avail.
I exercise regularly. I eat pretty well, although stress leads to candy for me, which doesn't help. But apparently my coping strategies of exercise, delicious food, and throwing the ball for the dog aren't working lately. I need to develop new stress-management coping mechanisms. Cheap ones, preferably.
I took a yoga class in college. I hated it. But maybe I should give it another try? I'm not sure what else...