It's THAT weekend.

My sister and her boyfriend are headed to Bozeman this afternoon. They're visiting to attend this weekend's MSU football game, which is against the team our dad currently coaches, Idaho State. 


I've been dreading this weekend for the last year. Dusty has considered going fishing or hunting instead of to the game. 


After MSU threw dad under the bus, he was out of football coaching for four seasons. For a guy who's entire persona is tied to what he does as a profession, it was torture. It was a really, really difficult four years for him, and all of us by extension. It finally feels like things are getting back to "normal"; whatever our new "normal" is. 


And of course, Montana being a small town, there have been stories in all the major newspapers. The Great Falls Tribune had one, the Billings Gazette had this one on Wednesday and this one today. People comment on those newspapers. The internet chat rooms have been all over it. I've had three calls and two emails at  work from people trying to contact dad, or asking to interview me about how I feel about it. 


The party line this week is "no comment." 


How do I feel about it? It's too painful to drag up. The wound has finally started to form scars; I'm not ripping it open only to invite the internet trolls and their uninformed comments to further infect the re-opened wound. No thanks. I'll go along privately licking my wounds. 


Overdramatic? Maybe. But tell me how I'm supposed to feel about having my dad publicly flogged for shit he had absolutely no control over?


Theme song of the week might be Adele's "Rolling in the Deep." Dad was fired on the cusp of really doing something amazing at MSU. I'm talking lots of wins, playoff games, national championships. 

The scars of your love remind me of us

They keep me thinking that we almost had it all

The scars of your love, they leave me breathless

I can't help feeling

We could have had it all

Instead of having it all, dad's coaching at a school that's never had three winning seasons in a row. That's down scholarships and practice time because of Academic Progress Rating issues. It's a total rebuild; a resetting of the institutional persona. And he'll get it turned around, because he's done it twice before. Because he's good at this. And because we're all so damn grateful to have him back where he belongs. 

Hell, he's so proud to be back in football, even with only two wins this year and few prospects for another, that he's cried at three different press conferences. CRIED. Had to hold back SOBS. 

(I tease him about being speaker of the house John Boehner). 

We could have had it all

Rolling in the deep

You had my heart inside your hand

And you played it to the beat

Could have had it all

Rolling in the deep

You had my heart inside your hand

But you played it with a beating

Throw your soul through every open door

Count your blessings to find what you look for

Turn my sorrow into treasured gold

You pay me back in kind and reap just what you sow

(Now I'm gonna wish you never had met me)

We could have had it all

(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)

We could have had it all

He'll beat MSU again someday. It won't be on Saturday. It might not be for a few more years. But he will. In the meantime, I still have more than enough to say.

Security Blankets and Whatnot

I ma, or may not, but  most likely totally do, have a not so small obsession with having food stocked away in the freezer. Preferably in single serving containers:

Also, we have an abundance of half-eaten ice cream boxes. I think one of them dates to last Christmas (for serious!).

My obsession with single-serving soups comes down to this: LUNCHES PEOPLE. That right there is like 3 straight weeks of don't-even-have-to-think-about-it lunches. Plus leftovers from dinners that will randomly pop up. 

I feel a weird sense of relief at having a refrigerator stocked with grab and go food. It's my security blanket. 

Anyone else want to share their secret security blanket?

Year of the House (Fluffing)

On our way back from Pocatello a few weekends ago, DJ and I discussed our financial goals for the next year or so. We've spent the last three years (of a four year partnership) saving for One Big Item each summer. In 2009 it was building the house. In 2010 the wedding sucked up most of our cash. 2011 was all about Europe. 

We've declared 2012 to be another Year of the House. I'm calling it Year of the House Fluffing. 

We've lived in our house for two years now. I don't think a house is ever "done", but I would like it to feel more finished. We need to finish the tile around our fireplace... if I can't convince DJ that we should really rip our entire mantle off the wall to have it rebuilt with built-in bookshelves flanking the fireplace. 

We need to insulate and sheet rock and organize the garage. Which means putting some kind of heat source in the garage. 

We need insulated blinds for the two windows in the office and two windows in the guest room. While we're at it, I'd also like to have the same roller shades in our bedroom installed in the windows and dining room windows downstairs to block west-facing light in the summer. 

Most importantly, we need a new queen mattress for our bed, so that we can shift our old one into the guest room. We're hosting Thanksgiving this year, and need all the bed space we can get. It would also be nice to fill out our bedroom furniture with a amoire or extra wide dresser and nightstand. 

Annnd maybe start saving for a new vehicle. My Altima is wonderful- the first "grown up" purchase I made, but it doesn't have ABS brakes or all-wheel drive or snow tires. While the vehicle runs fine, we should probably start preparing to replace one of our vehicles so we avoid the two-new-car-payments-at-once issue... 

It also wouldn't hurt to beef up out savings account too. 

We've got a ways to go before being able to spend money on these items. We need to pay off Europe, and they won't be all at once purchases. But it's fun to browse!

Alive

We are alive over here. All is well, I just fell off of the blogging bandwagon for a bit.

In the near month since we've been back, we've been busy each weekend. First it was just getting settled back into the Bozeman routine. Then it was Homecoming weekend in Bozeman, with friends and tailgating and football and a wedding reception in Helena. Last weekend we sprinted down to Pocatello to see one of dad's games at ISU. It's a quick four hour drive if the weather is nice, which is probably is only three months of the entire year. There was snow on the ground on each side, but not on the road.

This weekend was another home MSU game, friends staying with us, dinner in Livingston with friends. Friends who make me laugh, whose husbands make me laugh, and all of whom I admire. I am lucky, very lucky in the friends department.

In between all of that, I've sewn a duvet cover for a bed at the lake (shams, bedskirt, second set for other bed to follow), a cushion slipcover for the chair at the lake, processed probably 20lbs of tomatoes (all in the freezer), harvested crookneck squash, zucchini squash, spaghetti squash, made squash lasagna, done the usual vacuuming, dog running, etc.

It's been busy, for sure. But we've been lucky to have a nice fall. It hasn't frozen yet (probably Monday night). It's been sunny. It hasn't snowed. I've been able to wear sandals. I'm mentally bracing for the crappy weather that's sure to come our way.

But for now, I'll go walk the doggie in flip flops (and a sweater).