Listing the Guests

.{the first of what will probably be many wedding-related posts}

I sent out the group email yesterday to people on our invitee list for el weddingo. You know the kind, the precursory “hey save the date- I’ll send you more info in a bit!” type of email. I’m sure friends and family members were as annoyed to receive it as I am annoyed with myself for sending it. But I feel like in a day and age where calendar items start appearing for the next year, too much advance notice is impossible, right?


In my head, the guest list for our wedding is pretty small (Unlike that of my cousin who married this summer- 650 people!). Probably about 200, with really only about 130 coming since it’s kind of a destination wedding. I know, how do I come up with these numbers? Regardless, in Courtney-land, I’d prefer to not have anyone we’re not really close to at our wedding. I want it to be intimate and filled with people who will be supportive of our relationship for the duration. Don’t know your birthday? Out. Don’t know your significant other’s first and last name? He’s out, but I hope you will come! Don’t have your phone number in my phone? Sorry, want to come to our housewarming party next September?

One of the interesting things about the mass email was to see the responses I got. There were a handful of expected “wouldn’t miss it for the worlds”, and more than I care to admit “delivery failures” where the person has changed email addresses. I also received a few “I’m totally there!”’s from people who, well, people I’d put on the guest spreadsheet as “probably won’t come”.

I realize there is a big gap between emailing that you’re coming in October, and actually showing up in July. DJ and I have talked about how you have both ends of the spectrum; some people you expect to be there won’t, and you’ll be blown away by people coming who you didn’t expect to come. We get that. But I also still have in my head that this will be a small affair…

On some level, both DJ and I are uncomfortable calling so much attention to ourselves. While neither of us is a wallflower, there seems to be something so… selfish? Diva-ish? Egocentric? about asking up to 200 people to celebrate YOU. And to ask some of them to do it more than once in a bridal shower or bachelor/ette party. So being surrounded by so many people who are in Harrison, Idaho with the sole focus on us is a little overwhelming.

But in the day of Facebook, email, text messaging, and all other forms of instant communication plus accessible travel, where do you draw the line? How do you differentiate between this friend and that, this cousin’s “flavor of the week” girlfriend and that friend’s boyfriend of six months? Where is the right line?

Anyone have any good ideas? I'm all ears! Does Emily Post now cover this?